quiet so you can listen

fuck, dude. you know when you can't decide whether you're up too late or too early? that's me, right now, right here. i went out for drinks at the idiot with arturo and leach (in from stl), and all these girls were dancing on the bar. it was cracking, but that didn't stop me from thinking, 'some day, i will be confident enough, and have a less-bloaty enough belly, to be one of those chicks.' of course, i had a shitload of beer shortly after this determined realization, and that's not going to do me any good.

i wonder if i can stay awake for the next 16 hours.

The funny thing is, I remember making webcam poses exactly like these.

Emo boy-loving cheerleaders. (Read through to her journal and you'll see.) I guess it's not so surprising; it also makes me wonder what high school for me would have been like in a post-Diaryland/etc world. Would the people I found marginally tolerable have been given new depth? Or would it have been like Bridget Jones' Diary, where the printed words drove me crazy but the person writing them down wasn't so bad to spend some time with?

Top 10 songs of 2003 so far^*

1. Ima Robot, Dynomite


2. Kenna, Freetime


3. Basement Jaxx, Cish Cash


4. t.A.T.u., All the Things She Said


5. Dizzee Rascal, I Love U


6. Nick Cave, Babe I'm On Fire^**


7. OutKast, Hey Ya!


8. Grafiti, What is the Problem


9. R. Kelly, Ignition (Remix)


10. S Prcss, Spring Garden Drive-By

^*based on iTunes play frequency. Songs from non-2003 years are discarded for the purposes of this list, and my final list will probably have a few different songs on it, since I only got this computer in September and how can I forget about "Death Connection" by the Flesh &/or "Ne'er Do Well" by Young People &/or, of course, "Milkshake"?

^**Really this should count higher, since listening to this song 15 times = listening to this song for roughly four hours, and that doesn't even count the 20-minute version I heard him do at Roseland earlier this summer.

By the way, if anyone wants to help me dream up an outfit that involves the black lace arm-warmers I bought last week at Target, feel free to send along suggestions. Rubber bracelets weren't included, but that's probably for the best, since I wouldn't want to send out the wrong signals to those sorts of people who are prone to sluttiness-judging.

Looking for friends' sites -- gotta bolster that sidebar, eh -- and seeing that their domain names had been gobbled up by porn hucksters; Liz Phair's "South Dakota" came on while I was doing it, which made me remember that watching the Paris Hilton video while listening to other Girlysound tracks was one of the saddest things I'd experienced in a while; Paris's raccoon-in-headlights eyes and the off-the-air TV quality of the demos blended together into a swirl of fuzzy-headed, dissociative, bad sex, the kind of object-oriented fumbling that happens even after you've left college, when it's accompanied by that 'God, I am too old for this' feeling that only makes the next morning's hangover worse.

A very lousy holiday, spent mostly on the couch -- one of the couches in my apartment, not one of the couches at my parents' house. The culprit? Pretty sure it was some bad sushi; I knew when I put it in my mouth yesterday afternoon that the rubbery quality it possessed wasn't precisely right, but that didn't stop me from swallowing it anyway. The symptoms? Nausea, exhaustion, irritability, and the complete inability to decide whether I wanted people to take care of me and coo over me or just leave me alone to stew in my own sick. I think the former won, based on the away message I left on iChat ('FOOD POISONING ON THANKSGIVING' -- subtle, sometimes, I am not so much) and the pity tears shed when one person too many told me about the fun they were having without me tonight.

And this is the latest day in a series that is making me realize: I don't really care for holidays. Maybe this will change when I become a salaried employee (T minus 38 days and 11ish hours), but right now the only way they work out involves a) hassle, b) dashed expectations (Memorial Day and Labor Day had baseball games; Halloween had the costume fiasco; really all I was looking forward to today was the stuffing, and maybe a slice of pie), c) financial hits, and d) -- God, just the total fucking hassle.

The one semi-great thing about today: Finding the Au Pairs' "Sense and Sensuality" on the iTunes Music Store. Yes, that's right, I celebrated a day of family and companionship, probably the only day left where most of the country's non-food-selling retail outlets aren't open (I did hit the bagel place this morning and the deli this afternoon), by totally SHOPPING IT UP. America, why don't you love me?

Well how can I not be completely for a song where the message goes, 'Ha ha, my rack has yours beat hands-down?' (Or should it be hands-on? Or off?)